@patsajak

"Bad news. Test marketing of the "Pat Sajak Strength & Nutrition Bars" failed miserably. May try reverse mortgages."


"If they had two political parties that held primaries on DC Comics' Bizarro World, they might look a lot like ours."

@patsajak

"Good news for those of you who hear my voice in your head: I'm now broadcasting in Dolby Surround Sound."


lol

@patsajak

"Please raise awareness."



lol

@patsajak

"We must deal with our crumbling infrastructure.

Meantime, I might start wearing Spanx."


:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"Did another 5K run today.

I can't believe people are willing to pay me 5K to be in their races."



#kingofcomedy

@patsajak

"Important race over in NY.


Pens beat Rangers."



#datsbad

@patsajak

"Vanna and I are thrilled to be on the new $100 bill. Although I don't understand the donkey on reverse side."



#goldstarsforeveryone!


:P

@patsajak

"Common question in 40 years: "Hey, Grandma & Grandpa, where were those tattoos located when you first got them?"



lol

PURE GOLD!!! :thumbsup:

#freegoldforeverybody!

:D

@patsajak


"It's Earth Day. Bought it a wallet. Hope it likes it."

@patsajak

"I like the blue check mark for verified users. Now Twitter needs another icon for dense ones. (None of my followers!)"


:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"I'm very proud to have been named Marco Rubio's running mate. On to Indiana!"


lol

@patsajak

"Signed multi-million dollar deal with @ReebokHockey.

Actually, no $$ changed hands, but I got a free hat. #ItsYourGame"

@patsajak

"Found outside my door this morning. No safe space! May have to burn a few cars after brunch."


:lolhit:

@patsajak

"Pundit: (noun) An expert, usually political, who offers analyses & predictions that are often valued & generally wrong."


#Yep

@patsajak

"MLB asking fans to vote early and vote often for All-Star Game. Hey, I'm from Chicago. I know all about that!"

:shakehead:

#deadmenvoteinChitown

@patsajak

"Okay, no more vacillating. I'm all in for Cruz!"



:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"Getting all geared up for tomorrow's Seis de Mayo festivities!"


:theresa:

@patsajak

"My Stanley Cup final between @LAKings and @washcaps looking shaky."



:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"I have to pee, but I'm going to hold it until we get this whole thing figured out."


:drowninga:

@patsajak

"Breaking Hollywood scandal: De Niro & Pacino actually same person."


:wow:

@patsajak

"#selfie test"


lol

@patsajak

"Don't vote until you weigh celebrity endorsements.

We are on tv and in the movies. Some of us act or sing. We're cool."

@patsajak

"Associated Press reportedly ready to announce winner of November election later today."


#canalwater

@patsajak

"Scary stat for @SanJoseSharks & @cavs. No team has lost 4 games in #StanleyCupFinal or #NBAFinals*and then won series."


lol

@patsajak

"Before the name gets changed--and it will--Happy Father's Day tomorrow, dads."


:rolleyes:

@patsajak via twitter...

"Tim Stanley in @Telegraph: Tip for winning elections: don’t call electorate “thick” or “losers." It, er, turns them off."


#brexit

:animated_bye_bye_em

@patsajak

"Lots of Hollywood celebs say they'll move to Canada or Europe if Trump elected, even though Mexico is closer. #confused"



lol

@patsajak

"Please hold. Your call is important to us, although not important enough to hire enough people to answer phones."

@patsajak

"I wonder what else it isn't for."


:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"I program a woman's voice on my GPS because I'm used to a woman's voice in my car telling me where to turn."


:P

@patsajak

"I have the uneasy feeling a lot of Americans would be ok with a foreign takeover if they could keep phones & Internet."

#Yep

@patsajak

"I'm not sure why, but every commercial with a tie-in for a new movie makes me not want to see movie nor buy product."

@patsajak

"Who knew that zombies were merely people searching for Pokémon?"


:popcorn2:

@patsajak

"Found one!"


lol

@patsajak

"Whoever thought a presidential election might come down to one candidate's tweets vs. another's emails?"

@patsajak

"You're so vain, you probably think this tweet is about you."


#tbt1972

lol

@patsajak

"Some groups predicting end of the world tonight. Have already taped several weeks of "Wheel" for new season. Bummer."


:animated_bye_bye_em

lol

:trophy-1302: