LOL. True.

@patsajak:

"Happy Earth Day.

I've sent lumps of bituminous coal to all my friends."


#notillegalyet


:rolleyes:

@patsajak:

"It's #WorldBookDay. I say that as proud owner of nearly a dozen books & I've read the @SparkNotes for most of them."

#morewinning

lol


@patsajak: In baseball brawls, why do relievers run out from bullpen to join in; why don't they just fight each other out there?

:bitchslap:

#speedingupthegame

This thread is FULL OF WINNING

Thanks Jer.

I think it started as a 17 yr. old freshman in college. One of my older roommates was a Charles Manson doppelgänger.

I soon had a #winner of a drug habit.


:ohsnap:

@patsajak:

"Just heard I didn't win an Emmy tonight. Talking with my legal team about a recount."

#dontleaveushangingChad...uhPat

@patsajak:

"Normally I don't like sequels, but just read Shakespeare's "Richard II." I can't wait to read the first one."


OP- like all of us, sometimes Pat has better weeks than others. Or, all his writers left.

lol

@patsajak:

"Will be in Vegas this weekend. I hear the town is already really buzzing. Don't know how word got out I was coming."


Bad twitter week continues for Pat IMHO...lol.

Reminded me of when Johnny Carson would struggle.

@patsajak:

"Warming up for Trebek vs. Sajak."


:catfight:

@patsajak:

"Look for falloff in quality of my Tweets soon. Head writer is taking 2 weeks off for his Middle School Summer Camp."

@patsajak:

"Okay, it might be time to draw some boundaries. (Or at least a line in the sand.)"


:waveflag:

:snapout: :thankyou:

Thanks Jer... I think. :_paranoid


@patsajak:

"Brian Williams banished to MSNBC. I thought the Constitution prohibited cruel and unusual punishment."


lol

@patsajak:

"I never forget about the fans. When someone waves at my car, I always have my driver wave back."


@patsajak:

"Interesting primary poll in Iowa. Three Kansas City @Royals tied for lead."


@patsajak:

"I think I've lost my appetite."

Sajak got some great responses to this..
 

@patsajak: I enjoy watching fluffy clouds. #InoffensiveTweets

--------------------------------------------

The peanut gallery came thru...lol



@Marjan_Lion: @patsajak I find clouds offensive. ;)

@Realspaceman: @patsajak The word "fluffy" is still under investigation. :)

@RichardJSunkle: @patsajak For your sake I hope its a diverse mix of clouds.

@Cptn_murica: Cloudist pig. Ignoring those non-fluffy clouds. @patsajak

@egrjr63: @patsajak I'm offended that you have sight. There are people who cannot enjoy looking at fluffy clouds.

@NadineCoyleVEVO: @patsajak and what about the skinny ones? Stop body shaming these clouds.

@555ft: @DMR_MI @patsajak

Excellent point...
Cloud discrimination might just be an atmospheric micro-aggression. ��

@The26thMan: @patsajak This girl at work says her kids call her fluffy instead of fat. Tomorrow I'm telling her about your offensive tweet.

__________________________________________


:sarcasm_smiley:

@patsajak:

"Happy 4th to the Founders, with appreciation and apologies."


:flag2:

@patsajak:

"Welcome to the Hotel California. You can check out any time you'd like, but bring your own water."

@patsajak:

"Going to a big Hollywood pool party later. It's BYOW. #LastDroughtJoke #DroughtsAreNotFunny #PeopleSufferInDroughts"


@patsajak:

"Those who become followers in the next 48 hours will be exempted from the standard sign-up fee."

#WheelguySarcasm


@patsajak:

"Some candidates are reversing their positions so quickly, they need to install backup cameras."

@patsajak:

"More details on Iran nuke deal: Tehran gets two second-round draft choices from JV team."

@patsajak:

"Ryan Seacrest is knocking on my door. Should I answer? It's awfully late."


lol

@patsajak:

"I'm separating my trash. Are snail shells recyclable?"


#thatsentertainment

@patsajak:

"Getting better at this selfie thing."



:popcorn2:

:thumbsup:

Thanks Jer...interesting new avi btw.


:D


@patsajak:

"Who started with the full-length windows at health clubs? Generally speaking, it's not a pretty sight for passers-by."

@patsajak:

"Topped off my gas tank today. Thinking of jaywalking later. I love living on the edge. #Rebel"


(Google 'gas pumping smiley' and this is what happens...lol)

@patsajak:

"Happy to announce my merger with AT&T. From now on, I'm Patat&t."


#GGisAllInOnThat

Jokeboy made the Laff-O-meter move again-;)
 

@patsajak:

"I would support capital punishment for those who use their windshield washers in traffic with cars behind them."

@patsajak:

"I don't mind farm-to table food, but I hope there's at least a quick stop at a sink."

@patsajak:

"A Dodger Stadium mystery."

@patsajak:

"Damn you, @TMZ!"



:lol:

@patsajak:

"Exciting breakthrough near: Climate scientists close to perfecting giant thermostat to regulate earth's temperature!"

:wow:




lol

@patsajak:

"Okay, I'm going in. Just have to decide between a $5,000 wedge or the full wheel."


#desperatelyseekingVannasApproval ...lol

@patsajak:

"Dryer lint screen. #UnderappreciatedInventions"

:popcorn2:

@patsajak:

"The Irony of our Age: There are more places than ever to say things, but fewer things than ever allowed to be said."

@patsajak:

"Just received an email from the Clinton campaign. Must be important; it's marked "Top Secret."

That last one! :tv_happy:

:military:

@patsajak:

"If Hollywood were really Progressive, they would get rid of Oscars and Emmys and award participation trophies."


:P

@patsajak:

"Great news from my agent! I'm next in line to play Colonel Sanders!"

@patsajak:

"17 Republicans running for president vs. 5 Democrats, but, in amazing coincidence, cumulative ages exactly the same."

@patsajak:

"I'm working on a "Wheel" rap song. Got the words vowels, prowls, towels, owls and bowels, but still lacking context."

@patsajak:

"Treasure Island" is being remade with some modern twists. Now Long John Silver suffers from Restless Peg Syndrome."

@patsajak:

"I mean no offense by this tweet."


:lol:

@patsajak:

"Just finished leftover fried chicken and a Hostess Cupcake, because breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

@patsajak:

"Almost run off the road this afternoon by some guy making an undocumented U-turn."


lol

@patsajak:

"VMAs or Bachelor? Compromised with @FoodNetwork."


#waytoManup... :P