One of my Favorite's of all time...
 

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well... are you religious?" He said yes.

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too!" "Are you Catholic or Protestant ?

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist"

"Wow!" "Me too!" "Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too!" "Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too!" "Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

As long as we're offending people... :D

Q: What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls?

A: You can't unload a truck load of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

You dont have Kids huh?

And never will. :)

you guys crack me up :rofl:

how about this one:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Since we are offending people
 

I guess that is a good thing.

Damn straight.

I have cool kids. Course they are 19 and 20 years old now. I (we) have a 12 year old daughter who thinks I am superman. Not many folks around that think that much of me anymore. I like it. One is enough, mind you, but she loves it when I take her to school in a car with loud mufflers.