I am a giver, not a taker...
 

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "dammit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

Lmao....

Jim you are too much, dude

Thats a good one :lol:

That was WAY to funny. It sounds like something my dad would try and get away with.

You should not have gotten the clock drunk, damn, you know how they get when they get drunk. :rofl:

good one Jim.

A similar joke, we are sitting around having a few beers at a buddies house when I realize it is past my curfew. I complain that no matter how quite I am when I come home late, that my wife will be waiting in the bedroom and will let me have it as soon as I get into bed. My buddy says, " I have a fool proof method to get away with coming home late. I bust into the house, making all kinds of noise, say really loud, 'my god I'm horny.' I run upstairs, strip naked, jump into bed, smack her on the butt and ask her if she's ready for some lovin'.....and she will lay there like she's in a coma. Works every time!"

I have yet to try it.

Darren

The Female Version
 

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.


Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.


I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed),in order to escape a possible conflict with him.


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him Midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!


Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. ****.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted

Very funny guys. I like my way best.

1) Tell her you don't know what time you'll be home.
2) Take the Camaro or the V-Rod--either way, you know you'll wake up the whole neighborhood at 3AM.
3) Crack the throttle 2 or 3 times as you pull into the driveway.
4) Fart in the garage so you don't ruin "the moment".
5) Let the door slam when you get into the house.
6) Stomp your feet as you stumble up the stairs.
7) Yell: "I know you're awake!"