Tuesday sort of funny...
 

Most are lame, some are clever....

>> 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
>> ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>>
>> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
>> you, but don't start anything."
>>
>> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>>
>> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>>
>> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says
>> "A beer please, and one for the road."
>>
>> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
>> taste funny to you?"
>>
>> 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That
>> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
>> Unusual."
>>
>> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.Daisy says to
>> Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
>> you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" Exclaims Daisy.
>>
>> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
>> to look at either.
>>
>> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>>
>> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
>> find any.
>>
>> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.He shouted,
>> "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
>> can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>>
>> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>>
>> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>>
>> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
>> says, "Dam!"
>>
>> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
>> the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
>> have your kayak and heat it too.
>>
>> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing
>> in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
>> an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
>> "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
>> stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>>
>> 18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
>> to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
>> in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>> himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
>> husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
>>Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
>>Ahmal."
>>
>> 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
>> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
>> little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
>> from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
>> .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.