Lot's of good advice so far!
I have to agree with Frank. A shot gun for the house is the best way to go and for a hand gun a HK 40 or 45 with a 4" barrel is an awesome way to go. I carry my HK40 (3") daily and love the fit and feel of it. I also own a Springfield XD 40 (3") and it is a great gun. My wife has the XD 9mm 3" barrel and it to is a great weapon. The ONLY reason we go with the 3" barrel is for concealment! I shoot a lot of different hand guns on a regular basis. I really like the XD series. I would give serious consideration to the Springfield XD 9mm with a 4" barrel and use Spear Gold Dot ammo to up the stopping power a bit. It has great magazine capacity, a nicer trigger, it's easy to operate and you're wife can shoot it no problem.
I suggest you go to a range that rents guns. Shoot everything you are considering in all calibers. Take your wife with you! Start with a 45 and work your way down to a 9mm. The right gun is the one that you feel most comfortable with. Keep in mind that you may not be the one pulling the trigger when the perp comes a knocking.
Hit Marine71 up with a PM and ask him. Andy is a firearms instructor and can offer some very good advice on this subject.
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