"I like parking at Starbucks to watch people drag themselves in like zombies, then come out laughing, skipping & burning their lips through plastic lid."
"In this season of thanks, I'm grateful to our viewers & I never want to lose touch. When people approach to say hi, my bodyguards are instructed to smile & wave and use minimum force."
"Black Friday chaos here in Beverly Hills! Limo drivers fighting for parking spaces in front of Gucci! Wrestling for bracelets at Cartier! Madness!!"
"Having a great time on the Seniors Arm Wrestling (SAW) Tour. Easy win over Angela Lansbury last night. Ed Asner later today in Semis."
"Once again robbed in @people Mag's "Sexiest Man Alive" competition. Next best hope is that they start posthumous division."
"Getting out the Christmas decorations today. Our caroler is very possessive of her music."
