52 When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He
holds up the phone and money falls out.
53 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell
him there was a stripper in it.
54 There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has
beaten to different shades of black and blue.
55 Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his
markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all
blood is dark red.
56 A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method
of execution in 16 states.
57 When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
58 Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer
steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time
single-season home run king.
59 Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the
Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
60 Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks
through.
61 When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is
gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
62 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck
Norris? ...All of it.
63 Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble
themselves out of fear.
64 In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even
larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
"Norrisized".
65 Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
66 If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country
of Australia for 44 minutes.
67 The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck
Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in
blood and tears.
68 Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each
action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force
equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
69 Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called
Chuck-Will-Kill.
70 When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
71 While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding
titanium.
72 Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when
it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was
plagiarized from his autobiography.
73 When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When
Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
74 Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women
in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
75 Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris
to go around.
76 Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The
only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
77 For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For
Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
78 When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You
will score a 1600.
79 Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
80 When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One
roundhouse kick to the face.
81 Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the
1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of
Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card
from the game UNO.
82 On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to
be thrown into the sun.
83 Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
84 Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris
throws down!
85 In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse
kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the
story of the universe.
86 Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
87 Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water
with his own rage.
88 Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to
the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck
Norris"
89 Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
90 Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly
destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one
building.
91 If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you
will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
92 Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin
and the other nine faint.
93 The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on
an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot
episode tape has been burned.
94 Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
95 You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die
in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris
will find you and kill you.
96 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
97 When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around
people. He walks through them
98 James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie
into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
99 Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
100 Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean
section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
101 Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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