Any Foster Parents among us? - Lateral-g Forums

69MyWay · #1 07-08-2011, 08:13 PM

My wife and I decided after a long amount of thought to become foster and possible adoptive parents. The need out there is tremendous.

Right now we have one biological son - he is seven

We took the classes and went through the inspections. It was a long process - and we actually learned an awful lot along the way.

We are working with a Christian Ministry that helps families through pre-foster services. These are situations where the state is not yet involved and the parent(s) come looking for help on a voluntary basis.

Since we received our license we have had three calls - one was a 10 year old boy that was known to sexually abuse other kids, one was a 15 year old that was known to beat his mom - and the other was a pregnant teen. We agreed to the pregnant teen - but didn't end up with a placement. The other two were too much of a risk to our son.

THEN - we got a phone call last week. A mother with Four boys - ages 18 months to seven. She needed help and was looking for a temporary home.

They asked us and we agreed. There was about five days over the July 4th weekend while we waited. We were not set up for four extra folks, so we spent a significant amount of time and resources getting extra beds - toys, crib...etc. We even...HOLD YOUR BREATH ON THIS ONE....bought a mini-van because we have nothing that would haul seven people. I picked up a killer deal on a 2005 Uplander with 120K - built in DVD...etc for $4,500. Found out when I was making the deal, the owners of the van bought it to get three foster boys in 2005 - and ended up adopting one of them.

Anyway - after getting all ramped up - they were set to come Wed around 2:00. Just before they were heading out to get them, the mom changed her mind. She found a place they could all stay - they had been in a shelter.

Anyway - I'm thrilled they found a spot and stayed together - but my wife and I were both a little bummed after getting ready and getting excited.

My son even volunteered to move his room into the basement bedroom (he has previously been scared to stay down there) to help out. He is now sleeping down there so that was a win-win.

Anyway - at least next time we are MORE than ready - but this week has been a roller coaster. Was hard to go back to all the people that helped us get set up for these boys and let them know they didn't show.

Then, my wife came down with a bad sickness and had to have some minor in-office surgery today. Funny how things work out - she would have never been able to help me chase five kids around here.

Any other Foster stories out there?

ErikLS2 · #2 07-08-2011, 09:02 PM

I only have my own kids. People that are doing what you are willing to do are far to rare, this world needs many more people like you. You and your wife are heroes to society, right up there with our military and first responders.

Thank you!

**Flash68** · #3 07-08-2011, 09:10 PM

I am an adoptive son to two amazing parents. You sound like amazing parents as well and I commend you for your unselfish actions.

**fleetus macmullitz** · #4 07-09-2011, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 69MyWay

Any other Foster stories out there?

None yet, but we've discussed either adopting or becoming foster parents.

Knowing what it took to raise 4 children (now grown), what you want to do is amazing.

Your son, seeing your unselfishness, that will help him greatly in life.

Your family has already discovered you get the real riches in life by giving to others, not taking.

Can't buy with any amount of money 'the return' investing in children brings.

69MyWay · #5 07-09-2011, 06:29 AM

Thanks for the kind words guys - but I think like all parents, sometimes I wonder if we are even raising our kid the right way. I think back over my life as a youth and it frightens me to imagine we even made it this far!

I'd recommend anybody thinking about it to at least go through the classes. They are pretty much the same across the country and will take a couple of months to complete (depending on if they are once or more a week).

When our son is older and or grown and moved away, we will be more open to taking more hard cases. One of the things right now though is I don't want to do anything to jeopardize his safety.

70rs · #6 07-09-2011, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ErikLS2

I only have my own kids. People that are doing what you are willing to do are far to rare, this world needs many more people like you. You and your wife are heroes to society, right up there with our military and first responders.

Thank you!

I have to agree. There are not enough people out there doing what you are.
And about our military and first responders too.
Thanks for taking the time and making your home and lives available to those in need.
Give your son a "high 5" for me. Working up the nerve to sleep in the "scary" basement is pretty cool and it also shows what kind of parents he has to volunteer to move his room down there.

rwhite692 · #7 07-09-2011, 10:49 AM

We have two adopted children. As you know from going through the training / qualification process, there are always potential problems, the most common one is that a family relative of the child in question will raise their hand to say that they will take the child in, and then they themselves manage to get qualified, and the child winds up being placed with them.

The other common hiccup is that the child gets placed with sibling(s) that have already been placed with another foster/adopt family.

In our Daughter's case, we had to wait out the process of parental rights being terminated on the birth father's side, and he did nothing to help the process along, so that was an anxious few months.

In my Son's case, there was the issue where Grandparents on the birthmom's side did step up to say they would take him, but they failed to get qualified to take him due to having a bad family economic situation and grandpa also had a criminal background.

All I can tell you is, hang in there and the right situation will come through for you. You are absolutely right that the need out there is tremendous.

As you learned in your training, the most common thread running through most of these broken families is drugs and related issues.

I love our two adopted kids like they were our own, sometimes I think even maybe more, since I shudder to think of how their lives might have gone, had they not been adopted (by anyone, not specifically us) and had somehow stayed in their respective birthparent family situations. It would have been just terrible, in both cases.

Very happy to see that you posted about this, and encourage any prospective foster / adoptive parents to check into it, it has been the greatest thing in our lives. -Rob

frankv11 · #8 07-09-2011, 02:00 PM

its great to see people going above and beyond to help others I commend you guys on taking action and sacrificing your lively hoods for the good of others. we need more people like you.

very inspiring

69MyWay · #9 07-11-2011, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rwhite692

We have two adopted children. As you know from going through the training / qualification process, there are always potential problems, the most common one is that a family relative of the child in question will raise their hand to say that they will take the child in, and then they themselves manage to get qualified, and the child winds up being placed with them.

The other common hiccup is that the child gets placed with sibling(s) that have already been placed with another foster/adopt family.

In our Daughter's case, we had to wait out the process of parental rights being terminated on the birth father's side, and he did nothing to help the process along, so that was an anxious few months.

In my Son's case, there was the issue where Grandparents on the birthmom's side did step up to say they would take him, but they failed to get qualified to take him due to having a bad family economic situation and grandpa also had a criminal background.

All I can tell you is, hang in there and the right situation will come through for you. You are absolutely right that the need out there is tremendous.

As you learned in your training, the most common thread running through most of these broken families is drugs and related issues.

I love our two adopted kids like they were our own, sometimes I think even maybe more, since I shudder to think of how their lives might have gone, had they not been adopted (by anyone, not specifically us) and had somehow stayed in their respective birthparent family situations. It would have been just terrible, in both cases.

Very happy to see that you posted about this, and encourage any prospective foster / adoptive parents to check into it, it has been the greatest thing in our lives. -Rob

Man - that is an awesome inspiration. Yes, the devastation I've seen in the training, then practical situation among other foster parents and the sponsor organizations of drug/alcohol abuse is heart breaking. Worst yet, is the cases of children raising and covering for the parents when the addiction becomes that bad. These kids go through guilt of being pulled out of those situations because they feel like they are in some way to blame.

I'm happy you were able to save a couple of them. I have a friend that appears to be a the end of a long road with the court system and parental right termination issue. Their foster child was brought to the home at four days old. The mother already has five other children and every one of them is in a foster home - and mom looks like she is pregnant again.

Josh69 · #10 07-11-2011, 12:05 PM

My wife and I are planning on beginning the process ourselves, after realizing we are not able to have our own. My folks did Foster care when I was in college, and my Mom had a daycare growing up so it's a situation I am sort of familiar with. We have a family friend that does Foster care and she has a current group of 3 siblings that they really want us to look at and are clear for adoption. We aren't going to get our hopes up too high just yet, but there is a need and we are that age where lots of our friends are raising families and keep telling us we have too much to offer to sit on the sidelines. It took a bit of time to get over not being able to have our own, but the Lord works in mysterious ways. I think this was His intent, rather than punishing us, He was simply telling us we were strong enough to not only have a family, but to care for those with a need much greater than ours.

I sincerely hope you get a placement that suits your family, it sounds like your family has made the sacrifices and are ready to go, God will bless you. It also sounds like your son is well on his way to being an extraordinary young man!

You will have to follow up this thread with any updates, and I will do the same. You'll probably see my Firebird back up for sale....it won't be suitable anytime soon and like your Minivan purchase, we need roomier drivers. The good news, I'll get to hopefully build my next one with some helpers!!

Thank you all for your inspiration!
Josh