Saturday Funny

[Hooligan]

The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.





GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:



Name: __________________________



Stage name: ________________________________



Agent: _________________________



Attorney: ______________________



Therapist: _____________________

Number of therapy sessions per week: ____



Sex: (Please check all that apply)

___Male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female

___Both



If female (or appropriate), indicate breast implant

size: ______



Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to

safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___



Please list:

Brand of cell phone: ________

(If you don't own a cell phone, explain on attached pages.)



Please check hair color:

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

> >

Please check activities you perform while driving:

(Check all that apply)

[ ] Eating

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Talking on the phone

[ ] Slapping kids in the backseat

[ ] Having sex

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop



Length of daily commute:

a. 1 hour;

b. 2 hours;

c. 3 hours;

d. 4 hours or more.





Please indicate how many times:

a. you expect to shoot at other drivers, and

b. how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.



TEST



If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:

a. Call the police to report the crime;

b. Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news on a high-speed chase;

c. Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular

Phone Company for 911 calls not going through;

d. Call your therapist;

e. None of the above (South Central residents only).



In the event of an earthquake, should you:

a. Stop your car,

b. Keep driving and hope for the best,

c. Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones

d. Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4?



In the instance of rain, you should:

a. Never drive over 5 MPH,

b. Drive twice as fast as usual, or

c. You’re not sure what "rain" is.



Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

a. Prozac;

b. Zovirax;

c. Lithium;

d. Zanax;

e. Valium,

If none, please explain: __________________



When stopped by police, you should

a. Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready

b. Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405

c. Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit