Politically Correct? .... My A** !!!!

[intocarss]

- I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted toIslam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!


- The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she’s 21 and her name’s Suzie.


- Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 23 and I’m 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.


- My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said, “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”



- Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot..


- Question - Are there too many immigrants in the u.s. ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said, “I not understanding question please.”


- The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries.


- A man calls 911 and says, “I think my wife is dead.” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says, “The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!”


- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.”


- My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.


- I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod, after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.


- There’s a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.


- The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway!

[Sieg]

Man you are on a ROLL!

[skatinjay27]

thats some funny stuff right there!

[Sieg]

Originally Posted by skatinjay27

thats some funny stuff right there!

she’s 21 and her name’s Suzie.................

[71camaroz27]

Originally Posted by Sieg

she’s 21 and her name’s Suzie.................

My favorite too

[WSSix]

nice! I love jokes like this. Thanks for sharing.

[Northeast Rod Run]

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

[intocarss]

Originally Posted by Northeast Rod Run

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

[Northeast Rod Run]

That's good stuff right there.

3 schools this year.....................

[intocarss]

but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway!