Funny Story about a long hospital stay.

[Ummgawa]

I was physically run over by a 1987 Jeep CJ-5 on June 6th, 1990. I was looking over some old paperwork from "back in the day" and came across what I hope will make you laugh.

I was in the Hospital for 23 month 2 weeks 4 days three hours 26 minutes. During that stay I was always in a private room due to the extent of my injuries. Bad stuff, I tell ya. He was going 45 mph and I was going maybe 3 mph. HE WON...LOL.

On one of the stretches in the hospital. my phone in my room rang and it was someone from, of all things, a collection agency. This woman (sorry T), whom we will agree was a bitch (being nice here), was starting to really hammer me about a 13 week stay where one particular day the insurance company decided it was only going to pay for a semi-private room.

Don't ask me why. I guess if an insurance drops a million plus dollars on you they reserve the right to screw with you at will.

Back to the story. She and I went back and forth about how she demanded I pay the difference (about 39 dollars) OR ELSE. I told her that I was in the hospital and I was sure that I could get 39 bones for all the hemostats I had pilfered over the past 19 months. Basically I was screwing with her at that point, and she finally started to get it. Needless to say, she got really pissed. Finally she DEMANDED that I pay the difference or , as she put it, "I'd be sorry".

I stayed calm the entire time and it just pissed her off even more.

Finally, and here is where it gets funny, she said: "I now know why you won't deal with me on this issue...."

"I'm game, tell me why, in your infinite wisdom, won't I deal with you on this issue?...."

She stumbled "It's, it's, it's a DICK THING"

Moment of silence, I reply " A dick thing, hmmmm,.... Let me think on that for a minute..."

She replied, "I have figured it out. It's a dick thing. I don't have a dick, so you are not going to deal with me on this matter."

Pregnant pause.

I reply, "Maam, you have helped me today. I have just learned something about myself. It is indeed a Dick thing, as you put it, and I have a solution."

"What?" she replied with a small sense of hope in her voice.

"I am going to have to speak to someone with a dick. Please have someone from you office with a dick to give me a call..."

She screamed and hung up. Never heard from her or her outfit again.