Well, like Hydratech said, it's not IMPOSSIBLE for these calipers to work on opposite sides.
They just have to be bled upside down with 1 bolt in, and then turned and mounted.
I ended up switching them and bleeding them, and I no longer have a mushy brake pedal.
I think I have to adjust my prop valve pressure though because up on stands the rear in gear wouldn't COMPLETELY stop under full pedal pressure.
So I believe I'm 90% better then before thanks to your guys assistance.
Muchos Grassy Ass. I just need to go adjust my proportioning valve probably.