School bully issue, opinions wanted

[70rs]

Here is the plan.
Take my son to school Monday morning. If the other child is in class I will head directly to the atty and let them write up and serve everything. They can be the point of contact and take care of it. I have everything documented to this point. They have sat on their hands and done nothing. (except blow sun shine up my ass)

For the recoed I did make it very clear I think they need to investigate what is going on with the other child at home. In this state they have a legal obligation to report this to the state and follow up as well. They are also legally obligated to provide counseling and care for this child too. CPS really sucks in this state. But it is better than nothing. And that kid needs help. But my first priority is my own child. The only way to make sure he is safe is to remove the other one.
I will ask the atty about serving a restraining order on the kid through his parents. They would then be required to keep him at least 500 yards away from my son, which just happens to be enough to not let him be on school property.
I will let the atty handle it after Monday morning if need be. I have made it clear how I feel. The abuse is well documented by me and by the teacher and school nurse. Several of the support staff at the school have seen it happen many times. In the library, play ground, class room, lunch room....it is not a new thing for any of them. That is why I am so pissed that they let it go on til now. I am just amazed that adults would just sit by and let it happen and do nothing. And even after I have asked them to work with the other parents to resolve it, nothing. Now it is time to force some action.

I will keep you posted on how it goes on Monday. I am done F****ing around with these people. If they will not do the jobs that we as taxpayers pay them to do then I will make it my mission to replace them with those that will.

[DRJDVM's '69]

Wow Mike
I dread ever having to face this with my kids. My son is 7 and so far no problems with this kinda stuff. My daughter is almost 4 and more shy. I dread the "mean girl" crap with my daughter more than my son. That stuff is so much harder to deal with.

I think you are going through the right channels and doing the right thing.....but I hate to say it but it probably wont change the situation. Short of that kid moving schools, your son will deal with this kid again. They may be in a different class but if this other kid has it out for your son, he will find him again.

There is only one way to deal with a bully and thats straight on....telling him not to do something or saying "leave that kid alone" only fuels their desire. Its a power play and thats exactly what they want. They want to be challenged and show that they can do whatever they want to whomever they want and no one can stop them. If he know he can push everyone buttons he will go out of his way to do it.

If it were me I would do exactly what you have done....try all the "right" channels first. Get it all documented..... then I would give my kid free reigh to lay the smackdown on this kid. He doesnt need to beat the crap out of him...it wont take much for this kid to realize that he needs to find someone else to mess with...one decent punch will usually do it.

I know that may be hard to face at his age. But you teach him that you try to do the right thing first, but sometimes "enough is enough" and you have to do whats necessary to stand up for yourself. That should be the message for your son.

Man I hope I never have to deal with this crap....

Good luck.

[DRJDVM's '69]

One more comment...

I know you feel like the school staff and admin arent doing anything....but try to take into consideration what they CAN do. Just as you have a legal right to file suit, so do the other parents..... "my son is being singled out....you arent providing the supervision or instruction he needs...... you are harming him emotionally by making him change classes....he'll be labelled a bully..... you're harassing us"....blah blah blah....all BS but school districts have been sued for big $$ over that type of stuff too

You would be suprised how "hand tied" they are on what they are legally allowed to do to. They may WANT to do alot.....but unfortunately our legal system has made it the way it is. Similar to the criminal system, alot of the criminals end having more rights than the victims....sucks but thats they way it is....

[70rs]

Thanks Ned. You have met him, he was at Tims when you came up to get the car last summer. Anyway, I am at the "enough is enough" stage right now. I have been stewing over it for weeks, then thought it was taken care of only to find out today the principal did nothing and put it back on the teacher to deal with the parents, again.
When Brenden gets to the point of retaliation it will be over quick, and the other kid will loose I am sure. I just don't want that to happen so young ya know?

I think this kid is crying out for attention. Part of this that I had not mentioned because it would look like I am being biased (which I am because it's my son) is that Brenden is the "popular" kid in the class. All of the other kids look up to him, he helps the teacher by helping the other kids on their work when he gets done with his. He has all of the little girls at his desk non stop. All the boys want to play at recess with him....he gets all of the attention. But it is because he is a good kid and a very nice kid to everyone. This kid that picks on him is on the other end of the spectrum. He is disruptive (to get attention), throws stuff, yells in class, is rude to everyone and just a pain in general. I think it is because he is neglected at home or maybe even abused and the only way he gets any attention is by acting out.
So Brenden being the center of attention makes him a prime target for the kid. He hits my son, the attention shifts to him, he is satisfied. But it is for all the wrong reasons and done in a rotten way.
Either way you slice it the parents are to blame for his issues and they are the ones that need an asskicking I think.

I can honestly say that I have NEVER been this angry about anything in my life. This take it to a whole new level.

[wedgehead]

We have been in this situation with two of my sons. My youngest is in 1st grade at the time was having issues with a 3rd grader. We went to the principle with the situation was told they would look into it. They did nothing said they watched the kid for a few days nothing changed. Luckily this kid walked home also. My older kids (twins really big kids) in the 5th grade at the time saw the kid picking on my little guy. They took care off the kid. His parents called the police they ended up calling it defending an attack. Could've pressed charges against the kid but he had enough probs at home we found out. Never had another prob with the kid. The other time one of my big guys had an issue with a kid when he was in the sixth grade from an older kid. Told my son to tell him he was going to get the wrath of both of them, it still persisted. I went to the principle to get them to deal with it. Told the principle that my son was going to fix the problem if he didn't. The twins were almost 6 ft at the time but the principle took care of it. they are now in high school and are 15 years old and are 6'3" 210# and nobody messes with them now. I wish you great success with this as it can be very frustrating dealing with the school district.

[70rs]

Originally Posted by wedgehead

We have been in this situation with two of my sons. My youngest is in 1st grade at the time was having issues with a 3rd grader. We went to the principle with the situation was told they would look into it. They did nothing said they watched the kid for a few days nothing changed. Luckily this kid walked home also. My older kids (twins really big kids) in the 5th grade at the time saw the kid picking on my little guy. They took care off the kid. His parents called the police they ended up calling it defending an attack. Could've pressed charges against the kid but he had enough probs at home we found out. Never had another prob with the kid. The other time one of my big guys had an issue with a kid when he was in the sixth grade from an older kid. Told my son to tell him he was going to get the wrath of both of them, it still persisted. I went to the principle to get them to deal with it. Told the principle that my son was going to fix the problem if he didn't. The twins were almost 6 ft at the time but the principle took care of it. they are now in high school and are 15 years old and are 6'3" 210# and nobody messes with them now. I wish you great success with this as it can be very frustrating dealing with the school district.

Thanks for the insight. Yes, it is very frustrating dealing with the school so far. I seem to have gotten a much better response from the district though. Time will tell.
If I gave my son the freedom to just go beat this kid he could do it in a hurry, but at this age? I just can not do that yet. Maybe in a couple years?

[DFRESH]

Eric, my wife is a 1st grade teacher and has dealt with her fair share of these types of issues. First off, your son's teacher isn't doing enough---this type of behavior in class that you are speaking of (at least her in Cali) gets the kid thrown out for suspension. Further, social services and a counselor are called in for the kid in question when this type of behavior takes place. That's been our experience over the past 12 years here. They (your school and its district) need to be doing more for you and this other boy.

The unfortunate part of this type of story is that the kid being thrown out is usually being abused or mistreated at home (typically a recent divorce, step brother or sister hits them, etc). I think you are approaching the right people in this, but you will have to make it painful for them since they are showing obvious signs of being disengaged. When your son is there, he is "their" responsibility legally--they have to safeguard his well being and provide a safe enviornment. You aren't just fighting for your son, you are setting the example for the school and the district that they must take this seriously, and you may have to force it upon them through the voice of an attorney like Mike has mentioned---it's a good fight since it will ultimately affect all the kids when it is finished. Your son may be able to stand up for himself, however there will be many other kids that this boy will find to pick on who won't be able too---you know the damage that does to such young kids---keep doing what you are doing and get the pain in the right place---the media certainly isn't a bad idea given what you have said, and trust me Eric, they would be interested--you can pretty much be guaranteed that the issue would be resolved when they are brought in. It would be a great idea to alert the other parents about this as well, as you can be assured that it's not just your son this kid is affecting. Some kids just won't say anything to their parents about it all---those are the ones who suffer the most. Get a couple of those serious soccor moms po'd and you've got some powerful allies.

Now, I am with the others however should the kid in question not lay off your son after you've done all you can do. You've turned the other cheek and it is admirable--I applaud your kindness to the other boy through your son. You are setting a great example to him. I've got a 7 year old in 1st grade and a 4 year old daughter---like others and yourself, I dread this type of thing as much as has been mentioned. The thought of someone hurting them or even the threat of it would seriously enrage me, so I understand your restraint and admire it. I will get some advice from my wife as well on this and pass that onto you. Please keep us posted as to the outcomes--this is good info to pass along.

Doug

[skatinjay27]

Originally Posted by DFRESH

Eric, my wife is a 1st grade teacher

Doug

so thats how you got that janitor job!

[BonzoHansen]

Originally Posted by 70rs

Thanks for the insight. Yes, it is very frustrating dealing with the school so far. I seem to have gotten a much better response from the district though. Time will tell.
If I gave my son the freedom to just go beat this kid he could do it in a hurry, but at this age? I just can not do that yet. Maybe in a couple years?

Go kick the kid's dad's ass.

[youthpastor]

sorry Eric, hope all works out tomorrow..you could always "get Jessie" ...he is a local wistle blower news media guy, with the kind of response here, this might be a good one to get the media involved, they hate that worse than the word lawsuit. Jessie is my good friend's brother.

everybody has had to deal with the bully in class and far too many of us didn't do anything about it like in the movie "Christmas Story" me included. on one side I wish your son would teach him a lesson but on the other side this poor kid is another ....slipping through the system child who is being taught this crap at home. Dad's probably not around, boyfriend is still a boy himself who lives for the latest PS3 video game and aspires to be the next Texas Hold-em champ knows or cares little about raising a child that belongs to some chick he met in a karaoke bar....need I go on.

I'm not passing judgment here, just stating years of youth experience and seeing a kid who the system has failed him. The kid deserves the dad that you are, he got the shaft and is acting out...and our school system is shoving him though the pipeline. They can't do anything about it unless he shows signs of abuse himself. and then what he gets passed into the foster system. Sorry to rant, been taking adoption classes for two days hearing about kids who have tough home lives. I will pray for this kid and hope all works out for you.

I just hope the kid doesn't get the the crap beat out of him by karaoke superstar boyfriend for being disciplined at school and switched to another class. I'm sure the mom will play the victim card.

You guys could always join a home-school co-op and you could start buying your wife denim jumpsuits

Let us know how it works out, my thoughts and prayers are with you guys- Chris