School bully issue, opinions wanted - Page 5 - Lateral-g Forums

**Ketzer** · #41 01-23-2010, 06:39 AM

A good friend of mine was in the same situation with his son. A shy quiet kid that didn't cause trouble. Perfect target for bullies. My buddy did turn his son loose on the bully after months of trying to get something done. His son, like yours, has been taking martial arts for years. He didn't hurt the other kid, just very quickly showed him enough was enough. His son was suspended and moved to a different school and now has that on his perm record. Nothing happened to the bully.
What my friend failed to do was document anything. He had visited the school multiple times but had not formally charged the bully or his parents. He also did not seek help past the principal of that school. He had no proof other than his word. No one at the school would get involved even though they all really liked his son.

It is a sad commentary that these things aren't dealt with better. We are having more and more Coloumbine-like incidents every year.

Good luck!

Jeff-

70rs · #42 01-23-2010, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youthpastor

sorry Eric, hope all works out tomorrow..you could always "get Jessie" ...he is a local wistle blower news media guy, with the kind of response here, this might be a good one to get the media involved, they hate that worse than the word lawsuit. Jessie is my good friend's brother.

everybody has had to deal with the bully in class and far too many of us didn't do anything about it like in the movie "Christmas Story" me included. on one side I wish your son would teach him a lesson but on the other side this poor kid is another ....slipping through the system child who is being taught this crap at home. Dad's probably not around, boyfriend is still a boy himself who lives for the latest PS3 video game and aspires to be the next Texas Hold-em champ knows or cares little about raising a child that belongs to some chick he met in a karaoke bar....need I go on.

I'm not passing judgment here, just stating years of youth experience and seeing a kid who the system has failed him. The kid deserves the dad that you are, he got the shaft and is acting out...and our school system is shoving him though the pipeline. They can't do anything about it unless he shows signs of abuse himself. and then what he gets passed into the foster system. Sorry to rant, been taking adoption classes for two days hearing about kids who have tough home lives. I will pray for this kid and hope all works out for you.

I just hope the kid doesn't get the the crap beat out of him by karaoke superstar boyfriend for being disciplined at school and switched to another class. I'm sure the mom will play the victim card.

You guys could always join a home-school co-op and you could start buying your wife denim jumpsuits

Let us know how it works out, my thoughts and prayers are with you guys- Chris

Jesse is on the possible list of calls to make. Think the school would enjoy a live news crew out front? LOL!!

At this stage the other kid is "salvageable" and can have a good life. He is being taught some poor behavior at home, but with the right intervention by others he can have a better life.

**tones2SS** · #43 01-23-2010, 09:58 AM

Hey Eric, sorry to hear about this problem.
As much as I would LOVE for your son to kick this kid's ass up and down the street, he'll probably be the only one that gets into trouble. It's sad but true.
If I were you, I would go see the highest person in charge and let them know that you are not going to stand for this to happen any more. Let them be fully aware that you are going to lawyer up and let them know that.
Then, I would speak to an attorney and tell him your side of the story and see what he says and take it from there.
GOOD LUCK with everything buddy.

70rs · #44 01-23-2010, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ketzer

A good friend of mine was in the same situation with his son. A shy quiet kid that didn't cause trouble. Perfect target for bullies. My buddy did turn his son loose on the bully after months of trying to get something done. His son, like yours, has been taking martial arts for years. He didn't hurt the other kid, just very quickly showed him enough was enough. His son was suspended and moved to a different school and now has that on his perm record. Nothing happened to the bully.
What my friend failed to do was document anything. He had visited the school multiple times but had not formally charged the bully or his parents. He also did not seek help past the principal of that school. He had no proof other than his word. No one at the school would get involved even though they all really liked his son.

It is a sad commentary that these things aren't dealt with better. We are having more and more Coloumbine-like incidents every year.

Good luck!

Jeff-

I went over the principals head yesterday, right to his direct boss. If that fails I have the number for the district supervisor, and the state office that oversees them. If need be I will just keep climbing that ladder. as far as I need to and make it as public as possible. I will not wait for an incident of serious injury (or any injury again) at this point. I am done waiting for them to respond.

70rs · #45 01-23-2010, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DFRESH

Eric, my wife is a 1st grade teacher and has dealt with her fair share of these types of issues. First off, your son's teacher isn't doing enough---this type of behavior in class that you are speaking of (at least her in Cali) gets the kid thrown out for suspension. Further, social services and a counselor are called in for the kid in question when this type of behavior takes place. That's been our experience over the past 12 years here. They (your school and its district) need to be doing more for you and this other boy.

The unfortunate part of this type of story is that the kid being thrown out is usually being abused or mistreated at home (typically a recent divorce, step brother or sister hits them, etc). I think you are approaching the right people in this, but you will have to make it painful for them since they are showing obvious signs of being disengaged. When your son is there, he is "their" responsibility legally--they have to safeguard his well being and provide a safe enviornment. You aren't just fighting for your son, you are setting the example for the school and the district that they must take this seriously, and you may have to force it upon them through the voice of an attorney like Mike has mentioned---it's a good fight since it will ultimately affect all the kids when it is finished. Your son may be able to stand up for himself, however there will be many other kids that this boy will find to pick on who won't be able too---you know the damage that does to such young kids---keep doing what you are doing and get the pain in the right place---the media certainly isn't a bad idea given what you have said, and trust me Eric, they would be interested--you can pretty much be guaranteed that the issue would be resolved when they are brought in. It would be a great idea to alert the other parents about this as well, as you can be assured that it's not just your son this kid is affecting. Some kids just won't say anything to their parents about it all---those are the ones who suffer the most. Get a couple of those serious soccor moms po'd and you've got some powerful allies.

Now, I am with the others however should the kid in question not lay off your son after you've done all you can do. You've turned the other cheek and it is admirable--I applaud your kindness to the other boy through your son. You are setting a great example to him. I've got a 7 year old in 1st grade and a 4 year old daughter---like others and yourself, I dread this type of thing as much as has been mentioned. The thought of someone hurting them or even the threat of it would seriously enrage me, so I understand your restraint and admire it. I will get some advice from my wife as well on this and pass that onto you. Please keep us posted as to the outcomes--this is good info to pass along.

Doug

Thanks for the advice Doug. It helps. And from everyone else too. Everything from "kick his ass" to "get a lawyer" helps.
The first step is the lawyer, and then making it VERY public. My first priority is my son. But I did also make it very clear that I know they have a legal obligation to help the other kid too. I guess I am working on his behalf too. He's 5. He was taught this crap at home and needs something done. That is not something I will do directly but I will sure pressure the school into doing something about it.
When I spoke to the district office and the supervisor over the school principal he was pissed about the whole thing. He did not say anything out of step, but I could hear it in his voice. He is now aware of everything including a possible lawsuit. That is something they just do not want.

I am VERY surprised that they have not at least suspended the other kid yet. I just don't get that. The teacher has made the principal very aware of all of it, I did too. I spoke directly to him. But his lack of action is sickening to me. Now he will have no choice but to act.

70rs · #46 01-23-2010, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tones2SS

Hey Eric, sorry to hear about this problem.
As much as I would LOVE for your son to kick this kid's ass up and down the street, he'll probably be the only one that gets into trouble. It's sad but true.
If I were you, I would go see the highest person in charge and let them know that you are not going to stand for this to happen any more. Let them be fully aware that you are going to lawyer up and let them know that.
Then, I would speak to an attorney and tell him your side of the story and see what he says and take it from there.
GOOD LUCK with everything buddy.

Thanks bud! I have the lawyer ready to go. Mnday will tell me which way I need to go with all of it. I HOPE they remove the kid, get him some help and we can all get on with life. But if not, well I have nothing but time to dedicate to the cause right now.

DRJDVM's '69 · #47 01-23-2010, 10:19 AM

Man I though alot about this subject last night after I read this whole thing...and what I would do. Tough situation to be in...

Yes, you should feel some sympathy for the other kid...he probably has a crappy home life etc etc, but he's not your problem. You wont be able to change that his parents or his home life. Your priority is your son. Hopefully your actions will start the ball rolling to check on the home life of this kid, but its still not your problem.

Despite everyone wishes and high goals, schools cant solve these problems. Schools cant solve crappy parents and a crappy home life. They have hundreds of kids to deal with and minimal resources. I think alot of crappy parents just use the school as a daycare to babysit the kids and expect them to "raise them" and teach them whats "right and wrong". If you dont have good parents, that rarely happens.

I'm still of the same opinion....go through the right channels...document everything up the ying yang. I'd tell the school and all the admin that if this continues that you have given your son the "green light" to beat the tar out of this kid. Either they take care of it or your son will be forced to defend himself, end of story. If you have everything documented and the whole school system is aware of whats going on, your son should be fine if he has to do whats necessary. They have been warned and its all in writing.

Moving this kid to another class wont change anything if this kid is gunning for your son. You mentioned that some of the incidents have taken place on the playground, in the lunchroom etc etc. At best it will make the kid target some other poor kid in the other class and probably still your son during the "open season" parts of school.

Yes it would suck that you may have to let your son use violence to solve a problem at 5 years old, but if you do the right thing, talk to him in depth about doing things the right way....trying to walk away, let it go, the kid has problems etc etc...... but sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Its a good lesson to not let other people push you around....both emotionally and physically.

70rs · #48 01-23-2010, 10:32 AM

Thanks Ned. I agree that the other kid is not my problem, but it is a legal responsibility of the school to do something including calling in state agencies to help him.
And you are right in that if it's not my son, it will be someone elses down the road. This kids location in the school does not matter, it is his personal issues that are the problem.

When all else fails I will green light my son to do what is needed to put a stop to it. Until then, gotta keep my head on straight.

**Ketzer** · #49 01-23-2010, 10:45 AM

Just a little add-on to my earlier post, the school made a big deal about my buddy's son being "trained to fight". That was the issue that got him black listed. None of the earlier stuff mattered, they zeroed in on the martial arts part and the good kid became the out of control monster. Just FYI.

Jeff-

ProdigyCustoms · #50 01-23-2010, 10:59 AM

The problem is if your son does not at least knock him on his ass, he will be the sissy who's daddy handled it for him. We did that one time and it got really bad for my middle son. After we had him moved from the class he was getting screwed with from everyone. Lucky for us we were moving anyway to a better school district.

When all 3 boys went to the new school, of coarse someone wants to try you. They all had their moments and handled things at the bus stop. One even got his ass kicked by the bully, black eye, but even the bully respected him for standing up for his self, they became friends, and no more problems, ever.

All our problems happened in elementary and middle school when the kids are young, small and cannot do much damage. Come High school when these guys can really hurt one another, we had ZERO issues which is good because non of my boys were exactly big tough guys, but none are pussies either. Not one of my kids was in a fight ever after early middle school and moving to the new schools. I attribute that to standing up for themselves early and carrying themselves with confidence.

Now with that said that was at least 12 years ago and things have probably tighten up even more since then as far as punishment for standing up for yourself. But reputation in school is everything.