School bully issue, opinions wanted

[Wayne S]

Just read the whole thread. Eric, you handled the situation very maturely. Congratulations. I'm glad the system finally took you seriously and got their ducks in a row and remedied the situation. As a father of 4, 10 yr old girl, almost 8 yr old girl, and 6 yr old twins - boy and girl, I've had to deal with this a couple times myself, but on a lesser level.

We had a boy on the bus be mean to my middle daughter, and after a couple instances when he wouldn't stop, I went on the bus and told the bus driver, and then told her that my daughter wanted to point him out to me, which she said was okay. So as my daughter was pointing to him, he looked up from behind the seat, and I gave him the "look". That's all it really took for him, and then the bullying stopped.

Something similar happened to my oldest daughter, but it was another girl, talking and being mean to her. It turned out that I knew, and was friends with, the parents. I told my daughter to tell the girl that I wanted to know how Dusty and Tina (the parents) were doing and wanted to get together with them sometime. Well, that little bit of info changed the girl's attitude and she has been nice to my daughter ever since.

So kudos to you and your son. Hope it stays good for him.

[70rs]

Thanks Wayne. So far so good. I am glad it has gone the way it has. The other boy was needing some help too. It looks (right now anyway) that it is working well for everyone.

[2Bad4Ya]

You may not like my suggestion but...

Let the your son handle the situation 1 time. I betcha the other kid will not bother him again. Its cool that your teaching him to not address his issues with violance, but you also need to teach him that unless he puts a stop to it himself then the kid will continue to hassle him.

This pattern will follow your son thru life, as he grows older he will encounter situations where others are testing him and once they see he will not respond they will continue to hassle him.

I still see it every day and I work in an office, women and men push other around and take advantage of each other because they know who they can get by with it on. Teach our son humilty indeed but also teach them to take no crap! Its no place for the meek anymore. Kids are cruel and as he gets older he will get major grief from other kids if he does not stop the bullying himself in manners other than telling an adult. Sadly its the way it is.

I mean no offense, but think about it... you had to threaten legal action before the school stepped up. You had gone to the school and they did nothing until you stood up for your family, which is not violence but it is a form of defense. And I betcha the school will not give you gruff any further, because you showed them you would not be bullied.

The point is dad will not always be able to fight the sons battles and the son does need to know not to let people take advtange of him.

[Pdale]

Whatever your opinion on this situation was I think we can all agree the it's a bad F'ing joke that it took so much for the school to get serious about it

[70rs]

Originally Posted by 2Bad4Ya

You may not like my suggestion but...

Let the your son handle the situation 1 time. I betcha the other kid will not bother him again. Its cool that your teaching him to not address his issues with violance, but you also need to teach him that unless he puts a stop to it himself then the kid will continue to hassle him.

This pattern will follow your son thru life, as he grows older he will encounter situations where others are testing him and once they see he will not respond they will continue to hassle him.

I still see it every day and I work in an office, women and men push other around and take advantage of each other because they know who they can get by with it on. Teach our son humilty indeed but also teach them to take no crap! Its no place for the meek anymore. Kids are cruel and as he gets older he will get major grief from other kids if he does not stop the bullying himself in manners other than telling an adult. Sadly its the way it is.

I mean no offense, but think about it... you had to threaten legal action before the school stepped up. You had gone to the school and they did nothing until you stood up for your family, which is not violence but it is a form of defense. And I betcha the school will not give you gruff any further, because you showed them you would not be bullied.

The point is dad will not always be able to fight the sons battles and the son does need to know not to let people take advtange of him.

Originally Posted by Pdale

Whatever your opinion on this situation was I think we can all agree the it's a bad F'ing joke that it took so much for the school to get serious about it

2bad
I do agree with you 100% at this point. And have made sure my son knows that he may need to step it up himself. However because it was the very first time he had been in school and because of his age I stepped in to show him what should be done FIRST. His Taekwondo(senior yellow belt now) teacher is showing what will need to be done in the future. He is no pushover. He had just never been in a situation like this before. Now he knows how to deal with it and that if he REALLY NEEDS me to be there I am. But he has a very good grip on the differences. Thanks for your input.


Pdale
I also agree with you on this one. They all (except the teacher, she's great) sat on thumbs and looked the other way until I forced the issue. I am happy that they are still doing a good job though. It just took a serious kick in the collective ass to get it done.

[69MyWay]

We all hate a bully - and I think the bully even hates himself, or why else act like that.

My son just turned 6 and is very small for his age. He is more of a thinker than a physical activity do-er. I mean...when other kids are running around whacking each other he is usually playing lego, cars, or drawing pictures. So between being small and not being aggressive he seems to be a target for bullies.

I dread this day, but I know it is coming. My wife is a school teacher and knows the system and is able to have great influence on his behavior..etc.

With all that said, it brings back memories. I attracted a bully in middle school that pursued me ruthlessly in the halls and stairways giving me written, verbal, and body language threats for months. Other kids got into it with him.

I took several years of Karate as a kid and knew enough to defend myself, but I didn't want to go there.

One day we were walking out of math class and they were following me. I remember one of them said "Look...he's pulling ahead" trying to make a stupid 6th grade sexual joke.... They followed me into the stair well as my blood was boiling and the one big kid had started walking behind me and pushing/shoving me. He had a good 8" and 40 to 50 lbs on me.

I remember just seeing red. I grabbed him at the top of the strairs and pulled him down them with me. We rolled out of the stairs onto the back lawn and I beat the crap out of him. His buddies just watched. No teacher, no adult around. I beat him until he quit fighting back, then I beat him some more. He went home bloody and swollen - my fists hurt.

I hadn't involved my parents in this before because my dad traveled all the time and I didn't have confidence my mom could do anything - and I daily hoped it would just stop.

Anyway - nobody messed with me after that. Didn't get caught, didn't get reported - and walked away with my dignity. The next day in school he looked like a bus had run over him. I still don't know how I didn't get expelled for that - but it speaks volumes of his homelife that nothing was said or done (that I will ever know of).

Turns out he was one of four over my whole school career that I can remember that I ended up fighting back after much patients and much humiliation from their insults and physical attacks. In every case, after I fought back the issue died.

Crazy memories......

[70rs]

Originally Posted by 69MyWay

We all hate a bully - and I think the bully even hates himself, or why else act like that.

My son just turned 6 and is very small for his age. He is more of a thinker than a physical activity do-er. I mean...when other kids are running around whacking each other he is usually playing lego, cars, or drawing pictures. So between being small and not being aggressive he seems to be a target for bullies.

I dread this day, but I know it is coming. My wife is a school teacher and knows the system and is able to have great influence on his behavior..etc.

With all that said, it brings back memories. I attracted a bully in middle school that pursued me ruthlessly in the halls and stairways giving me written, verbal, and body language threats for months. Other kids got into it with him.

I took several years of Karate as a kid and knew enough to defend myself, but I didn't want to go there.

One day we were walking out of math class and they were following me. I remember one of them said "Look...he's pulling ahead" trying to make a stupid 6th grade sexual joke.... They followed me into the stair well as my blood was boiling and the one big kid had started walking behind me and pushing/shoving me. He had a good 8" and 40 to 50 lbs on me.

I remember just seeing red. I grabbed him at the top of the strairs and pulled him down them with me. We rolled out of the stairs onto the back lawn and I beat the crap out of him. His buddies just watched. No teacher, no adult around. I beat him until he quit fighting back, then I beat him some more. He went home bloody and swollen - my fists hurt.

I hadn't involved my parents in this before because my dad traveled all the time and I didn't have confidence my mom could do anything - and I daily hoped it would just stop.

Anyway - nobody messed with me after that. Didn't get caught, didn't get reported - and walked away with my dignity. The next day in school he looked like a bus had run over him. I still don't know how I didn't get expelled for that - but it speaks volumes of his homelife that nothing was said or done (that I will ever know of).

Turns out he was one of four over my whole school career that I can remember that I ended up fighting back after much patients and much humiliation from their insults and physical attacks. In every case, after I fought back the issue died.

Crazy memories......

Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate it. I had a similar experience. In 6th grade I was the target. I had braces and a few kids thought it was fun to punch me in the mouth....daily. School did nothing. Mom was at her wits end. Dad was in another part of the state. I put up with it until summer. Then I grew in size and confidence. 7th grade was different. I was bigger than them and fed up and determined to not have it continue. The first time the main bully tried something at lunch I got the upper hand and "curbed" his face on the edge of the lunch table. He lost teeth that day and every bit of desire to pick on me. His buddies laughed at him and left me alone too. I did feel bad and got in A LOT of trouble for it. But I did what needed to be done. I got lucky. I am no prize fighter or some badass by any stretch. He just screwed up and underestimated my anger. Shortly after I moved away and never had another issue with bullies. I think it was a reflection of my confidence or something. I always got along with everyone after that. I still hate that guy though. And recently saw him at a(he was not from the school, just a guest of a fellow student) reunion. But he is a single and miserable drunk with no life. I guess what goes around comes around. I heard he was an ass all through school.

[2Bad4Ya]

" I think it was a reflection of my confidence or something."

How we carry ourselves determines the events around us. A mugger is less likely to jump the person who is alert and observent of their surroundings, and more likely to attack the person lost in thought or not willing to make eye contact.

How you carry yourself does more than many think. When interviewing for a job, the confident eye contact outward appearance can trump a person with great qualifications if they are withdrawn.

A guy will look at a girl who is walking uprite and bouncy before the girl who slouches and skulks along, a girl is going to be more drawn to a guy who is upright and chest out that a hunched over belly leading sloth.

A bully will only target those they think are weak, and how you carry yourself is the initial way to judge someone. The culling of the weak in nature is similar. Have your son walk tall, look at people approaching, even give them a nod or say sup.

Its sad but life is just like prison, gotta take down the biggest mofo around so nobody gives ya crap sometimes!

[skooli]

My hat's off to you for teaching your son a good lesson. I think you'll be surprised at how the way you dealt with this issue will influence his future behavior. I hope I have the same kind of patience if my kid gets in this position. I'm curious, do you know if this kid just focused on your son, or did he pick on other kids as well?

[70rs]

Originally Posted by 2Bad4Ya

" I think it was a reflection of my confidence or something."

How we carry ourselves determines the events around us. A mugger is less likely to jump the person who is alert and observent of their surroundings, and more likely to attack the person lost in thought or not willing to make eye contact.

How you carry yourself does more than many think. When interviewing for a job, the confident eye contact outward appearance can trump a person with great qualifications if they are withdrawn.

A guy will look at a girl who is walking uprite and bouncy before the girl who slouches and skulks along, a girl is going to be more drawn to a guy who is upright and chest out that a hunched over belly leading sloth.

A bully will only target those they think are weak, and how you carry yourself is the initial way to judge someone. The culling of the weak in nature is similar. Have your son walk tall, look at people approaching, even give them a nod or say sup.

Its sad but life is just like prison, gotta take down the biggest mofo around so nobody gives ya crap sometimes!

I couldn't agree more. And that is where we are now.