Garage commandments (neat)

[slck6t9]

I saw this today and thought it was neat.

THE SHOP AND GARAGE COMMANDMENTS


1. The shop/garage shall be forever kept as the sacred realm of the Man. No lacy curtains nor gingham privacy panels shall be allowed on the windows of the sacred shop/garage.

2. The shop/garage shall not be excessively cleaned, except in cases of extreme need, such as when a pair of holy Vise-Grip locking pliers hath gone missing.

3. Dust, grease, and oil are the holy sacraments of the garage, and thus must never be disposed of in haste or with malice.

4. Honor thy rags. Even the dirty ones. They shall be used to mop up thy mess.

5. Complaineth not when the Man's Friends cometh over to work on thy Hot Rod or four-wheel-drive vehicle on a Thursday night until 2:00 a.m. Be thee grateful that the Man and his Friends are not attending stimulating performances of voluptuous harlots at the girly club on this evening.

6. Thou shalt not ask the Man to bring in the groceries when you see that his hands are greasy, or that he is underneath a car working on the evil U-joint.

7. Adjust not the volume of music that playeth in the shop/garage. Impose not your questionable music tastes on those who savor the chant of Rock and Roll at 11 p.m.

8. Borroweth not the hammer or ratchet of the Man which lies protected in the sacred red tool box. If thou breakest this commandment, at least have the courtesy to place the tool back in correct location and drawer. No, putting it on the workbench isn't good enough---how wouldst the man know to looketh there?

9. Tools of the garage/shop shouldst remain in the garage at all times, excepting when the Man shall use them for home repair, in which case the sacred tools must remain wherever the Man leaves them, verily including even the kitchen counter.

10. Loaneth not the tools of the Man to your fishy friends who hath not earned tools of their own.

11. Closeth the trash can at all time, lest the stinking odor of cat poop foul the air.

12. Covet not the multiple screwdrivers in the Man's sacred red tool box, and cast not thy insults on the Man's need for additional screwdrivers in the future. Each screwdriver serves a unique, substitution-impossible purpose.

13. Obey the Flat Surface Rule. Always put down the tool you are using on the nearest flat surface. Then look for it elsewhere---stopeth for a beer when discouraged.

14. Respect the large piece of cardboard against the garage wall. The Man useth it to lay on when he is under the car. Touch it not, lest lightning strike thee dead.

15. I sayeth to you: No sweeter sound ever shall be heard than thy own air impact wrench in thy own garage. Air tools are a blessing from above. Do not complaneth of noise that thou sacred compressor makes.

[rwhite692]

...and the people said: "AMEN!"

[XcYZ]

LOL, good stuff.

[Derek69SS]

Shouldn't there only be 10 of them?

[907rs]

Good one! Number thirteen's my favorite.

[rwhite692]

No Derek... didn't you see "History of the World"?

When Mel Brooks (Moses) came down from the mountain he had three stone tablets with 5 commandments each, ...but he dropped one and it shattered...


"People! I give you these fifteen...."

<<<CRASH>>>

"TEN! TEN COMMANDMENTS!"