School bully issue, opinions wanted

[70rs]

Originally Posted by Mkelcy

Ask, in writing (email, hand delivered letter), if you can attend the portion of the staff meeting dealing with this situation. Whether or not you get to attend, give them a clear written demand - you want the other kid transferred out of your son's class no later than Tuesday. If the kid's not transferred, lawyer up. Do it all in writing, just so there's no dispute about what occurred. It's up to you to escalate this so they can't just shrug it off.

For me, when my kid is at risk, it's not a time to be nice or patient, it's a time to kick ass and take names.

Agreed. Monday is the deadline for change. I have asked that they remove the kid. And told them if they do not that it will become a legal issue. I told this to the principal, teacher and district head. I will put it in writing and hand it to them on Monday. Thanks for the advice.
I am being "nice" by that I mean acting in a professional manner and not running around like a whack job making threats. They know I am serious. I made that clear. I also made it clear to them all that my sons saftey and well being are not something I will make any kind of compromise on. Ever.

[70rs]

If I do not have the results I want on Monday morning I will go pay the retention fee with the atty. They will be served by Tuesday.

Thanks for all of the advice and input guys. That is why I put it out here, hearing from others always helps.

[Mkelcy]

Originally Posted by 70rs

I am being "nice" by that I mean acting in a professional manner and not running around like a whack job making threats. They know I am serious. I made that clear. I also made it clear to them all that my sons saftey and well being are not something I will make any kind of compromise on. Ever.

Agreed, you want to be calm, clear and deadly serious.

Sounds like you've got it handled, but remember put everything in writing. If you have a call, confirm what was said in a letter (and, of course, keep a copy).

It's all about the documented record. It's a crappy way to have to be, but hopefully it's only for a short period.

[70rs]

Originally Posted by Mkelcy

Agreed, you want to be calm, clear and deadly serious.

Sounds like you've got it handled, but remember put everything in writing. If you have a call, confirm what was said in a letter (and, of course, keep a copy).

It's all about the documented record. It's a crappy way to have to be, but hopefully it's only for a short period.

Thanks Mike,
I have everything documented right up to today. Including the conversation with the officials at the district office this evening. Names, dates, events, actions or lack of.....all of it. Ten years ago I would have already beat someone. Amazing what a few years will do to mellow a guy out huh?
I can take a lot of crap, but someone messing with or even worse hurting my kid is not something I will deal with on any level.

Thanks again guys!

[Mkelcy]

Originally Posted by 70rs

Thanks Mike,
I have everything documented right up to today. Including the conversation with the officials at the district office this evening. Names, dates, events, actions or lack of.....all of it. Ten years ago I would have already beat someone. Amazing what a few years will do to mellow a guy out huh?
I can take a lot of crap, but someone messing with or even worse hurting my kid is not something I will deal with on any level.

Thanks again guys!

Just to be perfectly clear, a letter setting out your version of an event (e.g., confirming what was said in a telephone call) and sent to the other party is MUCH better than simply taking notes. If the other party disputes your version of events, the letter creates a burden on them to either respond or, implicitly, to accept what you said.

Now that you're getting to the short stokes, send letters (if you haven't been doing so all along).

[garickman]

You and your son are handling this situation the right way. A couple of thoughts on the letter. If you hand deliver the letter on Monday, you might want to follow up with it a certified letter through the mail directly to the principal. That way there is no doubt it was received and it won't turn into a he said/she said situation. You may also want to get in touch with your states child protective services. Many times children acting out like this is a reflection of a poor home inviornment. Even if they can't help at the moment, get the name of the person you speak to with CPS and use that as some leverage when you have your meeting with the school. Make sure you document everything in the order in which it has happened.

[70rs]

Here is the plan.
Take my son to school Monday morning. If the other child is in class I will head directly to the atty and let them write up and serve everything. They can be the point of contact and take care of it. I have everything documented to this point. They have sat on their hands and done nothing. (except blow sun shine up my ass)

For the recoed I did make it very clear I think they need to investigate what is going on with the other child at home. In this state they have a legal obligation to report this to the state and follow up as well. They are also legally obligated to provide counseling and care for this child too. CPS really sucks in this state. But it is better than nothing. And that kid needs help. But my first priority is my own child. The only way to make sure he is safe is to remove the other one.
I will ask the atty about serving a restraining order on the kid through his parents. They would then be required to keep him at least 500 yards away from my son, which just happens to be enough to not let him be on school property.
I will let the atty handle it after Monday morning if need be. I have made it clear how I feel. The abuse is well documented by me and by the teacher and school nurse. Several of the support staff at the school have seen it happen many times. In the library, play ground, class room, lunch room....it is not a new thing for any of them. That is why I am so pissed that they let it go on til now. I am just amazed that adults would just sit by and let it happen and do nothing. And even after I have asked them to work with the other parents to resolve it, nothing. Now it is time to force some action.

I will keep you posted on how it goes on Monday. I am done F****ing around with these people. If they will not do the jobs that we as taxpayers pay them to do then I will make it my mission to replace them with those that will.

[DRJDVM's '69]

Wow Mike
I dread ever having to face this with my kids. My son is 7 and so far no problems with this kinda stuff. My daughter is almost 4 and more shy. I dread the "mean girl" crap with my daughter more than my son. That stuff is so much harder to deal with.

I think you are going through the right channels and doing the right thing.....but I hate to say it but it probably wont change the situation. Short of that kid moving schools, your son will deal with this kid again. They may be in a different class but if this other kid has it out for your son, he will find him again.

There is only one way to deal with a bully and thats straight on....telling him not to do something or saying "leave that kid alone" only fuels their desire. Its a power play and thats exactly what they want. They want to be challenged and show that they can do whatever they want to whomever they want and no one can stop them. If he know he can push everyone buttons he will go out of his way to do it.

If it were me I would do exactly what you have done....try all the "right" channels first. Get it all documented..... then I would give my kid free reigh to lay the smackdown on this kid. He doesnt need to beat the crap out of him...it wont take much for this kid to realize that he needs to find someone else to mess with...one decent punch will usually do it.

I know that may be hard to face at his age. But you teach him that you try to do the right thing first, but sometimes "enough is enough" and you have to do whats necessary to stand up for yourself. That should be the message for your son.

Man I hope I never have to deal with this crap....

Good luck.

[DRJDVM's '69]

One more comment...

I know you feel like the school staff and admin arent doing anything....but try to take into consideration what they CAN do. Just as you have a legal right to file suit, so do the other parents..... "my son is being singled out....you arent providing the supervision or instruction he needs...... you are harming him emotionally by making him change classes....he'll be labelled a bully..... you're harassing us"....blah blah blah....all BS but school districts have been sued for big $$ over that type of stuff too

You would be suprised how "hand tied" they are on what they are legally allowed to do to. They may WANT to do alot.....but unfortunately our legal system has made it the way it is. Similar to the criminal system, alot of the criminals end having more rights than the victims....sucks but thats they way it is....

[70rs]

Thanks Ned. You have met him, he was at Tims when you came up to get the car last summer. Anyway, I am at the "enough is enough" stage right now. I have been stewing over it for weeks, then thought it was taken care of only to find out today the principal did nothing and put it back on the teacher to deal with the parents, again.
When Brenden gets to the point of retaliation it will be over quick, and the other kid will loose I am sure. I just don't want that to happen so young ya know?

I think this kid is crying out for attention. Part of this that I had not mentioned because it would look like I am being biased (which I am because it's my son) is that Brenden is the "popular" kid in the class. All of the other kids look up to him, he helps the teacher by helping the other kids on their work when he gets done with his. He has all of the little girls at his desk non stop. All the boys want to play at recess with him....he gets all of the attention. But it is because he is a good kid and a very nice kid to everyone. This kid that picks on him is on the other end of the spectrum. He is disruptive (to get attention), throws stuff, yells in class, is rude to everyone and just a pain in general. I think it is because he is neglected at home or maybe even abused and the only way he gets any attention is by acting out.
So Brenden being the center of attention makes him a prime target for the kid. He hits my son, the attention shifts to him, he is satisfied. But it is for all the wrong reasons and done in a rotten way.
Either way you slice it the parents are to blame for his issues and they are the ones that need an asskicking I think.

I can honestly say that I have NEVER been this angry about anything in my life. This take it to a whole new level.