School bully issue, opinions wanted

[syborg tt]

Since there kids the best place is to start at the park or a common ground that kids like. We have tons of small parks by us and I know which ones are good for this kind of supervision.

ps - Freshman year of High School I bumped a kid in line and he picked my up by my chest and told me he was going to kill me. I laughed at him and ever since that day we have been best friends. He was the best man at both of my wedding and we talk ever morning. He has become a brother to me.

Originally Posted by 70rs

Thank you Marty. I can relate to the dad with the kids everywhere. I am him too.
I honestly had not even thought about what you suggested about getting the boys together like that. My focus has been on keeping them apart. But I sure can see where that would solve the issue and make a big difference in how they treat each other. My sons birthday is coming up soon, I will have to think about maybe inviting the other kid over if we do a party here. But then again maybe a meeting like that would be better one on one the first few times to establish a positive relationship first. (no other kids as distractions or influence).
I will give this some very serious consideration and talk it over with my wife as well.
I got your number, thanks again.

[70rs]

Originally Posted by syborg tt

Since there kids the best place is to start at the park or a common ground that kids like. We have tons of small parks by us and I know which ones are good for this kind of supervision.

ps - Freshman year of High School I bumped a kid in line and he picked my up by my chest and told me he was going to kill me. I laughed at him and ever since that day we have been best friends. He was the best man at both of my wedding and we talk ever morning. He has become a brother to me.

Very cool! It worked out great in your instance. In mine, getting beat up everyday in 6th grade didn't. It took until my 20 year reunion for HS and seeing the guy and finding out he has a miserable life alone, no kids, two ex wives, broke, a drunk,......when I found out all of that I felt this huge wieght off my shoulders and figured he got what he deserved. After 6th grade I stood my ground and got into plenty of "discussions" with guys that wanted to pick up where he left off (went to different schools after 6th) but I learned how to fight pretty well and got the rep of being the nice guy who didn't take any crap. I always treated people the way I wanted to be treated. It worked out well in life.
Thanks again for the advice. I do appreciate it and will give it some real consideration.

[mexMan]

I was kind of thinking that you could teach your kid some ''Pulp Fiction'' moves... o hand him a gun. Ok what do I know you say? I'm seventeen, I'm still at the age of the bullies and the crap, and you're right about not letting him fix it by his own, even if he can, he should not, BUT, he can't keep taking anymore **** from the bully, so if the bully comes close to him again and do something dangerous to him, he has to react, really, he has to do something by himself to, hes not made to take **** on anyone, but it's good you teach him not to be violent, but tell him he has to defend himself, and if he does, and it turns against you, legal way is always the best, you have proof and witnesses (at least I think) that you tried to do it the easy cool way, you have everything on your side if there are proof you already tried to do something about it.

You might ask, what experience do I have? I was a target too, my parents tried the same thing you're trying, and, well, talking with them, didn't work, talking with the parents didn't either, going harsh with them didn't either, what happened, is that they god mad and wiped my ass... All of them, together, at the same time, and you know what I still think about them? Pussies... Of course I taught them a lesson, I was young, I was 8, and I wiped their asses, one by one, because I had to... And then I got screwed because the teacher went into the classroom. At the principal's office they were all ''just because they do it you have to do it too?'', I said ''hey Sherlock, take some **** and don't defend yourself, I'm tired of that crap and I'm out of here'' I left the office, no one did anything to me again. Even though that crap is common, we have to take care of it by our ways too, because schools are busy enough to not handle the situations (this meaning they don't give a crap, I know the system), and sometimes and most of the cases, talking with the kids and all that pacific stuff, pisses them off a lot more. So, it's good to see that school tried to took care of it, but, for what I know, it might not work, and if I'm right, your kid will have to take it on his own hands.

[70rs]

Originally Posted by mexMan

I was kind of thinking that you could teach your kid some ''Pulp Fiction'' moves... o hand him a gun. Ok what do I know you say? I'm seventeen, I'm still at the age of the bullies and the crap, and you're right about not letting him fix it by his own, even if he can, he should not, BUT, he can't keep taking anymore **** from the bully, so if the bully comes close to him again and do something dangerous to him, he has to react, really, he has to do something by himself to, hes not made to take **** on anyone, but it's good you teach him not to be violent, but tell him he has to defend himself, and if he does, and it turns against you, legal way is always the best, you have proof and witnesses (at least I think) that you tried to do it the easy cool way, you have everything on your side if there are proof you already tried to do something about it.

You might ask, what experience do I have? I was a target too, my parents tried the same thing you're trying, and, well, talking with them, didn't work, talking with the parents didn't either, going harsh with them didn't either, what happened, is that they god mad and wiped my ass... All of them, together, at the same time, and you know what I still think about them? Pussies... Of course I taught them a lesson, I was young, I was 8, and I wiped their asses, one by one, because I had to... And then I got screwed because the teacher went into the classroom. At the principal's office they were all ''just because they do it you have to do it too?'', I said ''hey Sherlock, take some **** and don't defend yourself, I'm tired of that crap and I'm out of here'' I left the office, no one did anything to me again. Even though that crap is common, we have to take care of it by our ways too, because schools are busy enough to not handle the situations (this meaning they don't give a crap, I know the system), and sometimes and most of the cases, talking with the kids and all that pacific stuff, pisses them off a lot more. So, it's good to see that school tried to took care of it, but, for what I know, it might not work, and if I'm right, your kid will have to take it on his own hands.

I understand what you mean. And I had to take care of it on my own as a kid too. But at his current age, and the way this world is with lawsuits I need to deal with this one. There will come a time when he has to handle it on his own and I will support him in that as well. For now he will defend himself in the way of blocking at this point. If it comes to a point where he needs to knock the crap out of the kid he will. But for now I will deal with it this way first.
Thanks for the advice though.

[Pdale]

Originally Posted by ProdigyCustoms

I raised 3 boys. As much as I hate to say it, if he kicks that kids ass in front of everyone, he will probably get suspended, but won't have to worry about this stuff ANYMORE! If he continues to handle this through "the system". there is another bully waiting where this one left off.

But sometimes, if not all, that kid needs someone to beat him back so he doesn't continue treating people like that and the sooner the better. I understand not wanting to raise your kid to be violent but he has to know it's okay to defend himself. Maybe not beat the crap out of the kid but if the kid punches him in the face he should swing back. Not beat the crap out of him, just pop him back. Assertive and strong so the bully knows he's not afraid of him and he won't let someone treat him like that. Because the bully is only picking on him because he's not defending himself. And it really can't be good for your kids self-esteem. He may know he can beat the kid but it's got to be imbarrassing to let the bully mess with him. Getting that kid removed from that class just probably just make things worse. Then he'll be picking on him at recess and lunch and/or waiting of him before and after school and he'll blame your son for "getting him in trouble" and then what? One day that bully might push him too far and your kid might really hurt him. Or the bully might do something extreme to try to get him to fight back and hurt your son. He should never start anything though. I was in a few fights between kindergarden, 1st, and 2nd grade. I never started any of them and I put up with a lot of stuff but when I had to fight back I did and I never had a problem with anyone after. I didn't beat up the kid, most of the got broken up pretty quickly, and no one ever got punished. May have just been luck but I honestly don't understand how the school could punish someone of standing up to that kind of behavior, though I know it happenes. I even got in a fight with a kid in the 1st grade because he was messing with someone, not really my friend but it was really bad what he was doing to him and after he never messed with anybody as far as I know. The kid just needed to be shown that what he was doing was wrong and those kind of people don't really respond to being told no matter the age. So I'm not saying he should just start fighting everyone that gives him a hard time but I think he should stand up for himself. And when you do decide it's time for him to stand up for himself, try to go over the kinds of things that should be, not allowable but understandable for fighting back. That part I believe is very important and should be done the sooner the better. Just my opinion but whatever happens I hope everything turns out for the better.

[70rs]

I have talked some more with my son about this. And his martial arts teacher. My son is very aware that he has the right and that he should defend himself at all times. He knows that I will back him up and he will NOT get in any trouble from me for responding to this kid and kicking the hell out of him. My son does not want to. And I like that. He just wants it to stop. We agreed that I would try to take care of it. And I have (more in a minute on that). He knows that if the other kid even so much as touches him in an aggressive way that he has open season on his ass. The school knows he is able to do this. If it comes to the point where my son has had enough he will take care of it. We are on a whole new level with this now.

The school has taken extreme measures with the other child and his parents. The state agencies that should be involved are now. The school district superintendant has now gotten involved too. My son will be safe. The other kid is now getting some professional help and he really needs it. It turns out his home life is much worse than we all thought. Honestly, the LAST thing that kid needs is a beatdown by my son. I want to see him taken care of in a positive way and have a better life.
After talking with the school some more today and having more information all the way around it has only confirmed to me that I went the right direction in holding my son back and insisting the school help the other kid as much as I insisted they keep my son safe.

And I got the news this morning that the principal is "retiring" NOW. They are actively looking for a replacement for the position and the vice principal is filling in.

Had my son beat this kid it would have done a few really bad things.
1 It would have opened me up to being sued.
2 It would have gotten him suspended and a bad mark on his records that will follow him everywhere.
3 It woud NOT have taught the other kid anything he does not already know all too well.
4 It would have taken everyone involved ten steps back in trying to find a solution.

It looks like we have a positive solution for everyone right now. They do know (the school and district office) that if there is even any kind of MINOR incident that I will move forward with some very serious legal action and will include the media.

There is just no room for this in school. If you have any doubt about what bullying can do to a kid look at the recent news in Tx about a 9 year old in 4th grade who just hung himself in the nurses restroom. While she was just outside the door. It is a serious issue, and without getting to the source (bad parents and bullys) it will never get resolved.
36 kids between 5 years old and 13 years old in the last 7 years have commited suicide. Almost all of those were related to a bully issue in some way. My son will not be a statistic. I am just trying to be a good parent, and a good person. My son was not the only one hurting here. He is doing GREAT and loves school. The other kid is not doing so well. He needs outside help and now he is getting it. The state will force the issue with his parents and remove him from the home if they feel he is in need of that.

Thanks again to everyone for the support and advice. All of it has been a great help. I will keep this thread updated if anything happens. No news is good news.

[mdprovee]

Eric,

I REALLY have to commend you for your level headedness. You didnt react like we all want to when our kids get picked on, including me. You showed great restraint, and pursued the issue as needed. You are a stand up guy, and a GREAT example of a parent.

[70rs]

Originally Posted by mdprovee

Eric,

I REALLY have to commend you for your level headedness. You didnt react like we all want to when our kids get picked on, including me. You showed great restraint, and pursued the issue as needed. You are a stand up guy, and a GREAT example of a parent.

THANKS Mike! I really appreciate hearing that. It was not easy at all to keep my head on straight. My first reaction was to want my kid to clean his clock. And for me to do the same to the kids dad. But I have to teach by example and something that has the potential to get as crazy as this could had to be handled the right way.I just want the kids safe. At home, school or anywhere. And it became apparent that the other kid was in a world of hurt and needed as much if not more help than my own son. Gotta do what's right ya know! Thanks again Mike, it means a lot to hear that.

[tones2SS]

Sounds like things are going to be ok now. I hope that is the case.
GOOD LUCK BUD!

[70rs]

Originally Posted by tones2SS

Sounds like things are going to be ok now. I hope that is the case.
GOOD LUCK BUD!

So far so good. Thanks Tony!