Because I am a man...add one if you see fit.

[Ummgawa]

BECAUSE I AM A MAN

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then talk about women and break wind as a form of bonding.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator) . . applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest . . . like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden wondering what to do.

Because I'm a man, I'M driving--even if we take your car. And if we get lost we will NOT stop to ask for directions.

[Steve Chryssos]

No. That about covers it. Except for:

Because I'm a man, I'M driving--even if we take your car. And if we get lost we will NOT stop to ask for directions.

[Ummgawa]

Added, LOL. good one.

[race-rodz]

actually....

because im a man, we are never actually lost, we are just taking the scenic route in order to look for hidden car treasure until we see something that looks familar, and helps us find our way to the original destination.

[astroracer]

Because I am a man, if I HAD a feminine side... I'd be touching it all the time...

[XcYZ]

Originally Posted by astroracer

Because I am a man, if I HAD a feminine side... I'd be touching it all the time...

Sounds like the Madonna episode of Beavis and Butthead.

[Diognes56]

LOL Good ones .

Because I am a Man, I am not required to know how to cook anything that can not be cooked in a microwave or on a grill.

David

[HAULNSS]

Because I'm a Man, I'll leave the toilet seat up.

Because I'm a Man, "Pull my finger" jokes never get old.



Randy

[Derek69SS]

Because I am a man, I can diagnose any "noise" you describe that your car is making as "normal".

Because I am a man, I will get upset when I hear your making odd noises, and wonder why you didn't tell me about it.

[XcYZ]

I was instructed that I needed to post a rebuttal.

Because I am a woman, I need to spend 20 minutes outlining my lips before I put on lipstick. *I need all this makeup so that other women will think I am naturally pretty. *Deal with it.

Because I am a woman, I will get up at 6:30 in the morning to go shopping if the store is having a sale. It doesn't matter that I don't need any new clothes, they are on SALE and therefore must belong to me. Fork over your credit card, darling.

Because I am a woman, I need many shoes. I need work shoes, dress shoes, three kinds of athletic shoes, sandals, slippers, open-toed shoes, high-heeled shoes, mid-heeled shoes, low-heeled shoes, flats, and boots. I need shoes in every color of the rainbow to match my extensive wardrobe. This is non-negotiable.

Because I am a woman I will get annoyed if you come to me and announce that there is no food in the house. In all likelihood there is plenty of food. I am not falling for the trick and making you a sandwich. However, I will stand in front of my full closet and complain that I have nothing to wear. This is not the same thing.

Because I am a woman, I will spend hours on the phone with my friends. Even if I just saw my best friend today, I need to call and tell her who is on Oprah. Especially if it is George Clooney.

Because I am a woman I will talk about you to my friends. We will discuss your underwear, your bathroom habits, your mother and your childhood. However, if you even mention our relationship to your friends, I will get angry.
*
Because I am a woman, I need to talk about "the relationship". I think about "the relationship" far more than you do. I will pick the worst possible time ( 2 minutes left in Game 7 of the NBA playoffs) and tell you, "Honey, we need to talk". If you ask to wait until the game is over, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch.

Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman.

Because I am a woman, I have strange eating habits. I will order only salad on our first date, and lobster after we are married. I will buy candy bars and wash them down with diet soda. I will put artificial sweetener in my double mocha latte. And any food eaten while cooking does not count as food.

Because I am a woman, I expect to have "girls night out" once in awhile. If you want to go bowling with the boys, I will pout and ask why you don't want to be with me. I will then assume that there is a problem with "the relationship" and will want to talk about it before you leave.

Because I am a woman, I will ask you how I look. Lie of you hate my outfit, hair or shoes. You’ll sleep better that night. Trust me.

Because I am a woman, I will make you dinners, do your laundry, clean your house and raise your kids. Various payment methods for those services are available. Jewelry and vacations are among the most popular.

Because I am a woman, I know there is no truth in the fact that you will die if you don’t have sex tonight. Go to sleep. If you’re still alive tomorrow, you will know that I, once again, was right and you were wrong!